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June 24th, 2005

09:36 pm - settling down         I think that it is time for me to settle down...I know what I want out of a relationship and it is time that I started holding not only myself but the other person to it.  Im tired of hurting mmyself just because it "might" make the guy like me.  notice I said like not love, because tere is only one guy I want to love me, and he at least respects me.         How can he respect me when half the time i dont respect myself?  I'm soo caught up in feeling loved at the moment that I forget about the pain that moment will bring, or the problems it will cause.  I'm sick and tired of falling for guys who again and again say they care yet when it comes down to the line run away.         Why can't I have the guy ho doesnt run away, the one who tells me im beautiful when im in sweat without my make up?  I miss him, and I'm sure that if i hold him on this pedastool he is on there will never be another to touch me as he does. Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Starting line- The Ride Tags: its been a long day

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June 14th, 2005

11:17 pm - stolen from Mal... 01. reply with your name and I will write something I like about you. 02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you. 03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be. 04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you. 05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you. 06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of. 07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you. 08. Put this in your journal. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The world you love--Jimmy eat World

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10:56 pm - summer so far...         So I'm trying Not to think about John.  i don't know how he got to me but he did, and he made me want more out of relationships then what I've been getting.  My only hope is that he cared for me as much as I cared for him.  He is still so important to me and I wish him the best in all that he does.  He is the only person I have managed to truly care for Since Joseph.  It's just too bad we are at different points in our lifes right now.        Too keep busy i have been working around 40 hours at Tim Hortons, and I'm on call at Karls Place.  It helps... Ive been hanging out with amanda, and talking to Shareen alot.  She is probably the most helpful thing i have, because she just listens when it comes to John.  Mostly, because she gets that I actually cared, and wasnt just trying to care.  Oh well It's summer i should just relax and let things happen, I know now what i want to do. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Watching TV

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May 5th, 2005

04:54 am - wish me luck...     So I'm putting myself  on the line to get hurt later on today, but i have to know the truth.  I think it is better to know now than to hope for something that will never happen...  The thing is I can handle it if the answer is one I dont want to hear.  For once, I know that I don't need guys to feel important, and that there attention is useless if their intentions aren't in the right place.  So I'll be alright no matter what the outcame is, for those of you who worry.     On a happier note (somewhat), I go home in tomorrow, and the family comes up today.  I'm starting to think there will be something bad to happen everytime I go home now.  This time my baby brother had surgery...I guess it could be worse but, he's my little brother.  The good thing is Sarah is coming up with them today so i can show her around Marquette a bit.      I still can't believe that next year we will both be college students, and most likely German minors.  For having so much in common her and I are so different, but i guess that's just how life works.  She will be at Central and close to home next year, while I stay here in my cozy little single bathroom room.      I am going to miss being here though.  Especially, my random conversations about trash and sex with Shareen, and showing her Facebook.  I know she will get hooked when she tries it...It's addicting.  Then there is my future Roomate, Bonnie, who will prolly be the one keeping me in line next year.  The rest of the girls are amazing to and they watch out for me (even though I NEVER listen).  The only thing that i can think of as a negetive is how much time I spent trying to impress guys.     All in all, Freshmen year is awesome and I'm glad I got to meet the friends I did.  Even, if i didn't always like them that much.  Have A great summer and i hope to see you all very soon... Current Mood: content Current Music: Incubis-Pardon me

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April 14th, 2005

01:57 am I've got some friends, some that I hardly know But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go We live on front porches and swing life away, We get by just fine here on minimum wage If love is a labor I'll slave till the end, I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand I'll show you mine if you show me yours first Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words --Rise Against(swing life away) There is soo much I want to say right now, but can't.  Mostly I just want to say thanks to all my great friends both up here and at school.  You guys put up with a lot of shit and i thank you for that.  To everybody at school you guys are awesome, and even those of you leaving next year are amazing... Current Mood: life is pretty good Current Music: Swing life Away--Dload it

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April 11th, 2005

05:40 am - Love... Its hard to love The risk it takes Giving your heart Mind and soul To another, With the sad chance That they may not always feel the same Knowing that a heart can grow cold black as it fills with liesa and secrets That pain may be inevitable And the end is never certain How do people love Knowing their heart may die That it me be ripped to pieces And left to fix itself Love is scary You never know the outcome It makes you lose yourself And if it doesn’t work Who are you? Love is the only way Even when its hard Love is a reason to stay alive A reason to stay awake Something that makes you try Love is great Current Mood: i need sleep Current Music: Skye Sweetman--tangled up in me

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February 22nd, 2005

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February 16th, 2005

09:11 am - Dreams...         So I had dream of Joseph again.  I'm not really sure what to think anymore.  I've come to the realization that i will never be over him, but then again do you ever get over your first love?  Apparently not, well at least in my case.  I can't get him off my mind.  The thing is i really just want to forget him, and love and everything.  A lot of my time now is spent wishing i could change the past, which I know that I can't.  However, life isn't totaly bad up here, even the missing Joseph.        Dating joseph has given me experience, and I can use my feelings and finding about love and life in general to make my writing better.  Which is becoming a big part of my life again.  It's one of the few things that keeps me sane.  And Sanity is definately one things that I have needed since break--that's when my head got really screwed up.  I guess the point that's on my mind is that as much as losing Joe hurts me, I'm glad for what we had, and that we are still friends. Love Amber "In my feild of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me" --evanescence (Imagionary) Current Mood: confused Current Music: Evenescence--imagionary

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February 11th, 2005

01:15 am - I found a quote! "Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men."                                                                    -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe    I just really like that quote, though I'm quite not sure why.  I have had this really big focus on dreams lately.  Mostly that i think people should attempt their dreams no matter what other people say.  I guess my mind has changed alot lately.  Instead of worrying about other people I have started to worry about myself, and for once im truly happy.  I miss being home, and my family more than i usually do, but it is'nt homesickness, I just miss things from being home, like home cooked meals, and dinners out.  however, I love Northern too much to leave here.  As much as i miss everybody back home this is the place i need to  be right now, and im happy to have this chance.  That's all thats on my mind right now really... love ya all Amber Current Mood: content with life Current Music: plumb- stranded

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February 9th, 2005

01:30 am - read...      So apparently I've been a bad friend lately, and it hasn't just been one person who noticed my lack of talking.  Corin noticed it the other day and wrote me a comment about it.  For all of you who think im avoiding you, I'm not.  I just need to focus this term so that I can stay up at school, because getting kicked out is NOT an option.  Anyways, anybody else who thinks I am being a bad friend should just yell at me, I probably should make a bit more room for friends... Love ya Amber No quote today...I couldnt find one to fit, or that i liked really Current Mood: tired its past my bed time!!!! Current Music: dashboard--vindicated (idk why)

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February 5th, 2005

08:14 pm - hungover thoughts "A word to the wise ain't necessary--its the stupid ones that need the advice"                                                  -Bill Cosby So heres a word to the stupid ones...           1.  SoCo and Five O' dont mix well           2.  Pizza tastes better when your tipsy...NOT when your puking it back up           3.  We may be drunk but we AREN'T stupid           4.  Hangovers are a bitch so limit your drinks, and hit the water before you sleep Heres some things we learned last night...           1.  Jenn can speak French fluently, and has an australian accent when trashed           2.  Jenn and I should be roomates.           3.  The bottle WILL hit you back           4.  That we don't remember Dan very well. The moral to this LJ...             1.  Drink responsibly             2.  Live it up...this is college                                                                             love ya lots                                                                                 Amber Current Mood: hungover though Current Music: eve 6-Jet pack

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February 3rd, 2005

11:20 am - oops... I forgot to leave a quote for the entry so here we go... "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." --william Blake I think that this is definately right, and maybe i should work on that too, along with my other goals. Who knows? -Amber Current Mood: and content Current Music: none--rachel is STILL sleeping

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January 28th, 2005

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January 25th, 2005

04:02 pm - blah this is soo me i like the icon too Icons about everything!! (good icons too!!) by truelove Name Word that best describes you sexyshylovelymysteriousum..poopquirkyperv Icon that describes you Icon that describes your life Icon that reminds you of someone you love Icon that reminds you of someone you hate The one you will marry The one you want to marry Quiz created with MemeGen!

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03:52 pm - new quotes in the entry so ive decided to right about a new quote that fits my feelings for the day when i write... "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."-robert frost I dont know why i like this quote so much, probably because Robert frost has this great way of putting thoughts into these beautiful words. I think i like this quote so much because its the truth. people want tpp be in love because it is the concept of somebody caring for you and not being alone. Its starting to seem to me that peoples biggest fear is being alone, i dont know why i think this, but if you lok at the goals of people most seem to want power and prestigue..or to be noticed...they dont want to be alone or forgotten. It shows by sleeping around or flirting people just want to be noticed and in the ed those who are wont end up alone. Current Mood: sick Current Music: Straight tequila night-george straight

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January 23rd, 2005

04:30 am - drunk not happy Current Mood: and crying Current Music: none

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January 11th, 2005

01:25 am - undies Undies LJ Username Your Undies Who will see you in them powersurged Who wants to see you in them powersurged Who will steal them jeffsavola This quiz by lovely_mouse - Taken 124741 Times. </a> New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

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12:54 am - everything will be alright "You tried so hard to be someone else that you forgot who you are" I was trying so hard to be perfect and what everybody needed or wanted that I forgot to just be me, I never cared about rather i was happy as long as everyone else was and now it is my turn "You tried to fill some emptiness till all you had spilled over" I looked to alcohol, drugs and sex to make me happy and eventually i lost control of my own life "Now everythings so far away that you don't know where you are you are" My life is so far from what i had planned that im not always sure where to start when trying to get it on track "when all that you wanted and all that you had dont seem so much for you to hold on to" Now the plans i had made are becoming clearer and im getting closer to becoming the person i once was and maybe even a person i like, but i have made great friends who stand by my decisions, even when they dissagree Current Mood: blah Current Music: jet-hold on

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January 4th, 2005

11:41 pm - whats on my mind... Now that is a hard question to answer. I feel that lately everything I want for myself has become blurred. Lines that used to stand clearly in my mind especially, I used to know where i stood on things like drinking and all that. The problem is that i lost love, the one thing that made me want to do better, to be better. I sometimes wonder if he knew how truly good he was for me, how good he still is for me. i dont know anymore. So i made my new years resolutions and so far i have kept them... 1. Be nicer to my mother 2. Study, and focus on school 3. Worry about myself befor others I dont know if i will be able to keep those, I hope that i can though. I go back in 9 days, and i have no clue rather i can make it the whole term. I dont know why i wouldnt but im starting to see that i need more help than som people know. I am so glad that I have great friends up there. Jacob, who gets up at one in the morning to take me to the hospital, and then again at 3 to pick me up. Then there is kevin, who comes to watch us when we are wasted. Erik, who takes me to walmart at 3 in the morning so that i can get a toothbrush. I think those three will keep me in line and hopefully out of trouble this term. Then there is the reason i don't want to go back...Ryan. I still feel like it is partially my fault he started drinking so much and stuff. He is right, if I had been here he wouldnt have started. Then again it was his decisions that led him to it, i didnt force him to start drinking, and i myself started drinking so how can i say anything? Well im gonna go... Current Mood: worried Current Music: bright eyes-haligh haligh a lie haligh

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