twitsed thoughts of a tangerine

settling down

2005-06-25T01:37:04Z

        I think that it is time for me to settle down...I know what I want out of a relationship and it is time that I started holding not only myself but the other person to it. Im tired of hurting mmyself just because it "might" make the guy like me. notice I said like not love, because tere is only one guy I want to love me, and he at least respects me.
       How can he respect me when half the time i dont respect myself? I'm soo caught up in feeling loved at the moment that I forget about the pain that moment will bring, or the problems it will cause. I'm sick and tired of falling for guys who again and again say they care yet when it comes down to the line run away.
        Why can't I have the guy ho doesnt run away, the one who tells me im beautiful when im in sweat without my make up? I miss him, and I'm sure that if i hold him on this pedastool he is on there will never be another to touch me as he does.

stolen from Mal...

2005-06-15T03:18:55Z

01. reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

summer so far...

2005-06-15T02:56:57Z

So I'm trying Not to think about John. i don't know how he got to me but he did, and he made me want more out of relationships then what I've been getting. My only hope is that he cared for me as much as I cared for him. He is still so important to me and I wish him the best in all that he does. He is the only person I have managed to truly care for Since Joseph. It's just too bad we are at different points in our lifes right now.
Too keep busy i have been working around 40 hours at Tim Hortons, and I'm on call at Karls Place. It helps... Ive been hanging out with amanda, and talking to Shareen alot. She is probably the most helpful thing i have, because she just listens when it comes to John. Mostly, because she gets that I actually cared, and wasnt just trying to care. Oh well It's summer i should just relax and let things happen, I know now what i want to do.

nutterbutter86 @ 2005-04-14T01:57:00

2005-04-14T06:02:38Z

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
--Rise Against(swing life away)

There is soo much I want to say right now, but can't. Mostly I just want to say thanks to all my great friends both up here and at school. You guys put up with a lot of shit and i thank you for that. To everybody at school you guys are awesome, and even those of you leaving next year are amazing...

Love...

2005-04-11T09:43:36Z

Its hard to love
The risk it takes
Giving your heart
Mind and soul
To another,
With the sad chance
That they may not always feel the same

Knowing that a heart can grow cold
black as it fills with liesa and secrets
That pain may be inevitable
And the end is never certain

How do people love
Knowing their heart may die
That it me be ripped to pieces
And left to fix itself

Love is scary
You never know the outcome
It makes you lose yourself
And if it doesn’t work
Who are you?

Love is the only way
Even when its hard
Love is a reason to stay alive
A reason to stay awake
Something that makes you try
Love is great

I don't know

2005-02-23T04:45:03Z

Well I have all of my ranting out and now i don't know what's going on. At this point I'm just tired and want to go home...It's hard to believe that we are almost halfway through the semester. So I don't know where I should even start about my day. I was so frustrated with Brent that I just wanted to scream. Concentration was definately not going to happen, so I had Holly take notes for me in Poli sci. I then found a ride back up so I called Brent and he made me feel guilty because that means he will have to drive up alone.
I also got a B+ on my paper which made me a bit upset cause I was hoping for an A. i guess a B+ isn't that bad, but I still wish I had gotten the A. I will just have to try harder on the next paper I guess. Who knows with me anymore, at least I'm doing good in German.

Dreams...

2005-02-16T14:49:09Z

So I had dream of Joseph again. I'm not really sure what to think anymore. I've come to the realization that i will never be over him, but then again do you ever get over your first love? Apparently not, well at least in my case. I can't get him off my mind. The thing is i really just want to forget him, and love and everything. A lot of my time now is spent wishing i could change the past, which I know that I can't. However, life isn't totaly bad up here, even the missing Joseph.

Dating joseph has given me experience, and I can use my feelings and finding about love and life in general to make my writing better. Which is becoming a big part of my life again. It's one of the few things that keeps me sane. And Sanity is definately one things that I have needed since break--that's when my head got really screwed up. I guess the point that's on my mind is that as much as losing Joe hurts me, I'm glad for what we had, and that we are still friends.

Love

Amber

"In my feild of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me"
--evanescence (Imagionary)

read...

2005-02-09T06:39:08Z

So apparently I've been a bad friend lately, and it hasn't just been one person who noticed my lack of talking. Corin noticed it the other day and wrote me a comment about it. For all of you who think im avoiding you, I'm not. I just need to focus this term so that I can stay up at school, because getting kicked out is NOT an option. Anyways, anybody else who thinks I am being a bad friend should just yell at me, I probably should make a bit more room for friends...

Love ya
Amber

No quote today...I couldnt find one to fit, or that i liked really

hungover thoughts

2005-02-06T01:14:42Z

"A word to the wise ain't necessary--its the stupid ones that need the advice"
                                                 -Bill Cosby
So heres a word to the stupid ones...
          1. SoCo and Five O' dont mix well
          2. Pizza tastes better when your tipsy...NOT when your puking it back up
          3. We may be drunk but we AREN'T stupid
          4. Hangovers are a bitch so limit your drinks, and hit the water before you sleep
Heres some things we learned last night...
          1. Jenn can speak French fluently, and has an australian accent when trashed
          2. Jenn and I should be roomates.
          3. The bottle WILL hit you back
          4. That we don't remember Dan very well.
The moral to this LJ...
          1. Drink responsibly
          2. Live it up...this is college
                                                                        love ya lots
                                                                                Amber

oops...

2005-02-03T16:24:38Z

I forgot to leave a quote for the entry so here we go...
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." --william Blake
I think that this is definately right, and maybe i should work on that too, along with my other goals. Who knows?

-Amber

new term

2005-02-03T16:20:31Z

So this term has been a lot different than lat term. I have been trying to stay on task and keep up with the reading. which with the exception of having the flu last week has been going bretty well. I cant believe that in just a few onths i will have finished my first year of college. While ive learned a lot im not sure what to think. I Will be going home with a GPA that isnt the greatest but i guess even getting it to a 2.0 wont be that bad, because I didnt it and not anybody else. Im learning more and more everyday that i need to be dependent upon myself and take the ignitiative to get things done. This being said i have reevaluated my goals for the year.
1. Get and maintain a current 3.5 both this term and fall 2005 Term.
2. Study at least 15 hours a week
3. Get a full time job over the summer, an take a journalism class.
4. Apply for North Wind in Fall 2005.
5. Take more chances and have fun.
6. Be nice to my mother.
I guess that is all i have for this year but tey dont seem that hard. I am really glad that I got to come here rather Joe was here or not. So that is really all I have for now, because life is pretty good. Oh yeah, i have my first college essay due next monday...wish me luck!

love ya all lots
Amber

im bored so i stole this from kyle

2005-01-28T06:16:23Z

(A) Recommend one of each to me:
1. A movie
2. A book
3. A musical artist, song or album

(B) Ask me three questions, no more, no less.

(C) Copy and paste this into your own journal, and let you friends ask you anything.

blah

2005-01-25T21:03:11Z

this is soo me i like the icon too

Icons about everything!! (good icons too!!) by truelove
Name
Word that best describes you
Icon that describes you
Icon that describes your life
Icon that reminds you of someone you love
Icon that reminds you of someone you hate
The one you will marry
The one you want to marry

Quiz created with MemeGen!

new quotes in the entry

2005-01-25T20:59:12Z

so ive decided to right about a new quote that fits my feelings for the day when i write...

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."-robert frost

I dont know why i like this quote so much, probably because Robert frost has this great way of putting thoughts into these beautiful words. I think i like this quote so much because its the truth. people want tpp be in love because it is the concept of somebody caring for you and not being alone. Its starting to seem to me that peoples biggest fear is being alone, i dont know why i think this, but if you lok at the goals of people most seem to want power and prestigue..or to be noticed...they dont want to be alone or forgotten. It shows by sleeping around or flirting people just want to be noticed and in the ed those who are wont end up alone.

drunk

2005-01-23T09:31:08Z

not happy

undies

2005-01-11T06:25:40Z

everything will be alright

2005-01-11T06:13:51Z

"You tried so hard to be someone else
that you forgot who you are"
I was trying so hard to be perfect and what everybody needed or wanted that I forgot to just be me, I never cared about rather i was happy as long as everyone else was and now it is my turn
"You tried to fill some emptiness
till all you had spilled over"
I looked to alcohol, drugs and sex to make me happy and eventually i lost control of my own life
"Now everythings so far away
that you don't know
where you are
you are"
My life is so far from what i had planned that im not always sure where to start when trying to get it on track
"when all that you wanted
and all that you had
dont seem so much
for you to hold on to"
Now the plans i had made are becoming clearer and im getting closer to becoming the person i once was and maybe even a person i like, but i have made great friends who stand by my decisions, even when they dissagree

love

2004-12-23T05:20:07Z

"i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut"
trying to be in a relationship i know is not going to happen

"my weakness is
that i care too much"
I cant stop loving Joseph, even though he no longer loves me

"and my scars remind me
that the past is real"
i cut to escape the pain, but in the end its just reminding me of the pain, and of Joe

"i tear my heart open
just to feel"
I cant feel anything with out him, so i make myself do things, thinking maybe in the long run ill care about the person the way i cared about him, the way i loved him. The catch i, by opening up i get hurt, but at least i feel something

"drunk and im feeling down"
drinking to forget but when it wears off im worse then when i started

"and i just wanna be alone"
i want to forget the boy who broke my heart

"im pissed 'cause you came around
why dont you just go home"
he wont just forget me, he wont let me forget him, and at home its worse, why doesnt he love me to?

the sad thing is...

2004-12-21T06:44:53Z

As much as i know he cares about her, i STILL wish he cared that way about me....how lame?

WTF is going on

2004-12-18T04:45:12Z

since when do i care about people i KNOW i cant have?? What do i do, he has a gf?

stolen from erin who stole it from kyrie i think

2004-12-15T10:13:31Z

Name: Amber Lynn Neddermeyer
Age: 18
Where on earth do you live: Technically??NMU, in theory??? Lake Orion MI
Reason(s) behind your LJ username:nickname from highschool and its my emil adress
5 things you want to do/accomplish before you die:
1. Family
2. Adopt
3. start my own magazine for teenage girls
4. meet my dad
5. visit all 50 states
What makes you happy: friends
What have you been listening to lately: a little bit of everything
Do you enjoy reading LJs:yes i do...i made that switch for Erin
If so, why: its entertaining when im bored
Interesting fact about you: i NEVER sleep
Are you in love at the moment:no, nor do i care to be
Favorite destination: Marquette...how sad is that?
Favorite quote: many from einstein, he was a genious of the mind
Will you post this in your LJ:its in here
RECOMMEND
A movie: Harry Potter 3
A book:Harry POtter three, fav book and movie
A musical artist, song, or album: too many
Your fav. LJ user I should/could befriend and why: I dont know, erin is pretty awesome

THE FIRST...

First best friend:Manda
First car: 99 ford contour
First real kiss: Lorin McCray
First break-up: Tommy
First screen name:i have NO clue
First album: Like CD? I don't even know...
First funeral:Trever Snyder's...sophomore year
First pet: a guinney pig named ernie
First piercing: Ears
First credit card: none
First true love: Joseph, he is now my best friend

THE LAST TIME...

Last cigarette:when i was drunk
Last car ride: too the hospital with heidi on sunday....THANK YOU JACOB
Last kiss: saturday, but its a secret
Last good cry: today
Last library book checked out: love stories
Last beverage drank: Sprite
Last food consumed: popcorn
Last phone call: was to my work to quit
Last time showered: yesterday i think...it will be in a few hours
Last shoes worn: slippers
Last CD played: no doubt at the PEIF
Last item bought: cookies for drew
Last annoyance: me to jason
Last disappointment: moving again
Last time wanting to die: im not sure
Last shirt worn: two tanks
Last word you said: "night"
Last song you sang: i dont wanna be me-amanda clemens
What is in your CD player?:No doubt or bowling for soup
What color socks are you wearing?: white
What Color underwear are you wearing?: redboxes and such
What time did you wake up this morning?:7...i made it on two hours sleep all day
CURRENT THINGS...

Current music: none, roomates are asleep
Current taste: nothing
Current hair: down
Current desktop picture: brent dan and i being wasted
Current book:none
Current color of toenails: white?
Current time-wasting wish: i wanna go sledding with matt
Current hate: girls and boys and moving

i stole this from Jamie who stole from somebody else

2004-12-15T03:58:35Z

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
went to college, died my hair a color i KNEW my grandmother wouldnt like, graduated

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
no, i didnt make any
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my pastor

5. What countries did you visit?
none

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
not to change rooms

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory?

june 13th...i turned 18
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
not killing bonnie right now

9. What was your biggest failure?
first semester at nmu

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
my foot kind of hurts

11. What was the best thing you bought?
hair dye

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
nobodies

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Kevin

14. Where did most of your money go?
food, alcohal, and a bit of weed, some clothes too

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
graduation and college

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
schools out by alice cooper

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
im not really sure

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
work...im broke

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
moving rooms

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with family and friends

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
i fell back in love with joseph, but we broke up

23. How many one night stands in this last year?
i dont really know

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Degrassi, One tree Hill, The OC
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
hmmm, not really, i like people i didnt like last year

26. What was the best book you read?
HaRRY POTTER

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
golden earring...radar love

28. What did you want and get?
to go to college

29. What did you want and not get?
good grades...maybe i should TRY next term

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
harry potter 3

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 18 and went to dinner

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
being more open

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
i dont know

34. What kept you sane?
writing, and the PEIF

nutterbutter86 @ 2004-12-14T04:00:00

2004-12-14T09:12:28Z

hey, its for in the morning...i have an 8am exam, and i cannot for the life of me sleep...oh well we just tried puttin karissa's hand in warm water, she woke up...DAMN. im not getting pranked tonight thats for sure. oh well she will get something

who knows

2004-12-06T10:03:27Z

wow was i ever stupid, and you know what i got what i deserved. I was stupid, i trusted when i shouldnt have and i got hurt its not like i expected different, but walking in was a bit embarrassing. I dont know whats bugging me most tonight, or uhh this morning. i men lets see, i got to see dave this morning which took care of a few worries, but gave me new ones. Wich led to Joseph and i fighting for about an hour, and he STILL thinks he is entitled to make my decisions for me...what a suprise. Plus he thinks hes better than dave, but i would give my life for dave and he knows it, everybody does. Then theres my other mistake today, and im not sure what i even did to start that one, but then i put up a bitchy away message so he blocked and deleted me. I was actually kind of hurt. i realy wish i could talk to a certain person but wait he blocked me to...so i dont know, im not going to bed though, i feel to shitty, perhaps its the crying

anti-drinking rememberance

2004-12-04T11:21:38Z

so im not going to be hung over tomorrow, just tired...I am no longer drunk but i had a rough night and now remember why i didnt like drinking. im kind of a bit tired and which is understandable cause it is 6 in the morning and im just getting to the point where i can sleep and be alone. tonight has definately been weird, but i think everything id going to be okay.

love yas

amber

Undies
LJ Username
Your Undies
Who will see you in them	powersurged
Who wants to see you in them	powersurged
Who will steal them	jeffsavola

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